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Posts:
2
Registered:
1/9/08
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Letter to Brooke's Family
Jan 9, 2008 8:51 PM
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Dear Friends:
I have said my piece in another post regarding some of the selfish behaviors exhibited by all of you so I'm not here to re-hash that or drive another nail into the proverbial coffin. Redundancy gives everyone a migraine.
No...far from that. I would like to address you as a person who walks each day in Brooke's shoes, and knows full well the agony she suffers every second. Every minute. Every hour, every day, every week, every month, every year, for the rest of her life.
Yes. For the rest of her life, until the day she is laid into the Earth and her body is no more and all the things everyone should have, would have but didn't say haunt you to your own graves yet hardly matter anymore, for Brooke will be gone.
You love your daughter and sister. This I do not doubt in any way. You want things to be the way they were, and it is difficult to accept that the girl you played with, fought with, competed with, and loved so dearly is gone. For my friends...I assure you: gone she is.
You will never see the "old" Brooke again, for that person no longer exists. She has been stolen from you by disease, agony, loneliness and despair. You are certainly entitled to mourn her passing, for you have had your daughter and sister taken from you, and had nothing at all to say about it. My husband went through the same thing himself; he had to mourn the loss of the active, healthy girl he had married, and assist in the re-birth of the new woman he will be married to for the rest of his life. He does not have and never has had one iota of control over my pain or illness, just like all of you have no control over Brooke's pain and illness. Yet, each and every one of us who is of sound mind must accept responsibility over our own thoughts and actions. I have to, you have to, and Brooke has to as well.
When people lose control of something they love or value, they become angry like your family has. They often tend to focus on what they have lost and are unable to focus on the needs of the person who is truly the neediest and has lost the most of all.
I suspect that Brooke took too much pain medication for many reasons, first and foremost the agonizing pain she is in.
Try to close your eyes and imagine a gang of thugs beating your body with tire irons. Now imagine having to get up, get through your daily routine, and for many, go to work. You are so stiff when you get up that body threatens to collapse, and you stumble around in the manner of a gross caricature of a human being, often collapsing onto the floor.
Better yet, have someone smartly rap you on the shinbone with a rubber cooking implement. Your pain will not even begin to compare with that of someone who suffers chronic pain, but it will give you an inkling that it's not to your taste!
But wait...it's not over. Those thugs are right beside you when you wake up, and the beatings start all over again. Every. Single. Day. Of. Your. LIFE. There is no escape, save the sweet oblivion of drugs. Nor are there any coping skills, familial support, or a soft place to land when your mind, body, and soul are so tortured that you just want to go home to God.
I know these things. I have been there, and still go there when my spirit is too tired to cope anymore. But because I have a loving husband, I always manage to find my way back.
Which brings me to the second reason that I feel Brooke over-medicated herself: lack of any support, any support at all, much less familial. If a person is continually told what a disappointment they are to those they love, and continually disappointed in turn, they loose all direction and equilibrium in their lives, and the warm, dark blackness of overdose becomes the only comfort they can cling to.
That is the bad news, which by now you hopefully understand and are getting therapy to help deal with. But look to the sun, my friends, for there is good news as well!
Even though the old Brooke is gone, with proper treatment, medication, therapy and support, a new Brooke can emerge, who is even stronger than the old one. She may not be able to walk anymore, but she will be able to fly!
I believe (pray) that you all fully comprehend that Brooke is not a "typical" partying, selfish drug addict, and that she wants to get better but does not have the strength or the tools to accomplish this monumental task on her own. Will she succeed with her first attempt at treatment? Of course not. The road is still far too crooked and the path far too rocky for her not to stumble. But when she does, PICK HER UP! Tell her you are there for her. Include her in the family functions that she values so dearly. When she is weak, give her YOUR strength instead of taking HERS.
When she stumbles again, pick her up again. And again. And again. Let everything be about HER for as long as it takes, and my friends, it will all turn back to you again. If you can't do that for her, then you need to make the difficult decision to let her go so she can be around others who don't demand so much of her soul; who allow her to keep some of it for herself.
You know NOT how fortunate you all really are. You have families, apparently reasonably good health, and the prospect of long and productive lives. Brooke does not. All she has is what you would choose to give her, and if continually given nothing, her survival instincts will kick in and enable her to give herself what she needs (not what YOU need) to cope with the cards that she has been dealt.
You have painfully realized that what she has given herself is not much to your liking, so DO something about it. You have much more power over her than you can imagine. But make no mistake, you only have this power because she chooses to give it to you out of the deep and abiding love that remains no matter how she has been treated in the past.
I am positive that you have all tried to do what you thought best and that you do love her very, very much. However, you yourselves did not have the correct tools to help her, but perhaps now you will seek them out, for education is there for the taking.
I pray that all of you use the power you have over Brooke wisely and carefully, to give a beautiful young woman the chance to reclaim her life. I also pray that she takes advantage of the opportunities being afforded her, for ultimately, it is up to her to make the changes she needs to make. You can help. If you all wrap your arms and hearts around her and cocoon her with love, support and understanding at this time when she can barely walk for herself, she will have all the greater chance of emerging as a beautiful new butterfly, ready to take wing.
And then, my friends...you family will be whole again.
I wish you the best of luck and offer my humble prayers to all of you in this time of distress and turmoil.
Peace,
AvieMare
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