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Posts:
403
Registered:
12/21/08
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(11 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jul 9, 2009 12:24 PM
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because you question the claim completely or you just think that my cataleptic fit had everything to do with the meds and not the inteligent malevolence.
i don't question your claims of psychological distress at all, it's evident in your (literate and quite interesting) prose.
you seem very intelligent and i would think that you might be able to see the "intelligent malevolence" as part of your admitted psychological makeup.
this is something not many who believe so completely in the paranormal are willing or able to do: attribute what they think they're experiencing to neurological activity or imagination.
best of luck in your search for help.
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Posts:
135
From:
Constant Regression
Registered:
7/18/08
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(10 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jul 8, 2009 5:53 PM
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CCH- Here's a great show about music and the mind. You should watch at least the beginning part about this guy with Tourettes whose a monster drummer. I think you would find it very interesting and helpful.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/musicminds/
--
The only answer to Theodicy is idiocy.
Rev.DR
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Posts:
135
From:
Constant Regression
Registered:
7/18/08
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(9 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jul 6, 2009 3:43 PM
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But there is help-perhaps not much, but some. I suffer from pretty sever depression & it took me 12 years to find the medications and professional help that made a difference. Don't be ashamed of what is a part of you & makes you who you are. See if there is any referral service at your school. There has to be something in your county, almost no matter how hick or backward or impoverished it is. It sounds like you could use some anger management techniques-they are out there & they work. You need to see if you have Tourettes. There is not much to do medically about it, but you can find support groups, even on-line, that will help you feel less isolated.
Go for the basketball, dude, and make sure you're not around any windows or flimsy doors when you rock out.
To Rock is sublime-you should see about getting involved with some real drumming somehow. Put up with some Hippies & try a drum circle-it's fun as hell.
Good luck, I hope this was some kind of help.
--
The only answer to Theodicy is idiocy.
Rev.DR
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Posts:
11
Registered:
5/25/09
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(8 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jul 5, 2009 1:30 AM
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yeah so another glimpse into my disorder(s),...or something else,. i got theories. Doing my best not to be as if i am complaining, but it helps me feel things out to write or discuss it when i am struggling as i have been mentally and emotionally and i have been really having a hard time at least the past three months which i can pinpoint to this specific moment. Its all ways hard up here *pointing to my head* but sometimes, as some who will read this will see, physically, it has its own extreme responses from my head. To type or write things out to others is not always an option. But after this one tonight this board is the only place i got to turn to for now.
But I got home tonight and instantly upon entering the back door and walking through the little laundry room going into the living room i just got into a real manic fit as i once again broke out into imaginary basketball playing. I, in an energetic way, react as if i am one on one on the wing and perform my favorite cross and power to the rack. This was a vision takin me over so naturally i could dunk like Bron Bron James when in reality i still weigh 330 pounds so jumping is the only part of my game that i dont really have. And i am good enough to start and/or get productive run for the small D-III colligiate school that i attend in my senior year, and its close to the deadline so it is with this excitement that i am partaking in this activity. And with this excitement of the move and the finish i flew into one of my headbanging rages, i am part metalhead but this time it was the all too familiar for me literal kind.
I am all pumped up gettin hype and i go towards the front door and i bash my head into it two good times. Gettin hype. Then i go towards the wall and i bash my head into that two good times and not another hole. I put a fn little hole in this house that me and my mom and my younger brother are renting. Needless to say the sight of that hole snapped me out of the fit. And what else could i be but disappointed in myself, AGAIN.
And therein lies the most frustrating part of living with my level of mental and emotional, while i can shine at times in my life, other times i am simply unstable, and there is just no way around it.
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Posts:
11
Registered:
5/25/09
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(7 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jun 28, 2009 6:40 PM
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"i dont know what to say about that"
This quote about the experience i had the night i first took my meds is the one i would much rather discuss with you. So i need to ask do you say you dont know what to think because you question the claim completely or you just think that my cataleptic fit had everything to do with the meds and not the inteligent malevolence. This would be the very first conversation i have had with anyone about this so please feel free to say exactly what you think & feel about it Kabol.
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Posts:
11
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5/25/09
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(6 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jun 28, 2009 6:29 PM
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"you just don't seem that important to anything or anyone"
Hey I know this is late but I gotta tell you how I responded when I first saw your response to my counter punch to that dudes cheap shot. At first (a glance into my disorder) all I heard and seen in my head was that one scene from encino man when that one dude rocked the cavemans jaw at the skate rink and pauly shore all pointed at him like "thats harsh,..matt". I literally laughed out loud about that for a few minutes,....with all due respect.
But traveling deeper it wasnt really to say that this funny guy that decides to respond to ALLLLLL of the claims that I just made in my very first posts on this MB with an elementary taunt with two disorders that didnt nearly apply to anything that i said within my post. It wasnt saying this dudes physical shell and the light that grants us all life, the one which that granted it to him, has absolutely no worth in all this world to anyone not even his family. The slight wasnt that deep Kabol. I grew up getting teased for being fat and others things so i have developed this way of ending teasing by just saying hey dude youre worthless, or you dont matter to me so you cant hurt me. His response was so juvenile so that was my juvenile side, only know i am an adult that can make it sting so much more nowadays. But the result i seek remains the same, back off and dont say anything else to me. Because if that is all that he had to offer in response, again, to some fantastic claims that i made, then whats the use of him engaging at all.
So that is what it was for Kabol, while i commend your caring, it did touch a nerve and it showed, but it wasnt that deep. And i only need to explain this for you and anyone else that may seek to engage me in some meaninful dialogue, because when i read and when i type on this MB, all i see is meaning that needs to be addressed as adults, with respect.
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Posts:
403
Registered:
12/21/08
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(5 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jun 4, 2009 9:56 PM
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you just don't seem that important to anything or anyone
man, that's harsh, CCH.
This last one happened to me the very first night that I took meds for my percieved mental and emotional disorder.
i don't quite know what to say about that.
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Posts:
4,738
Registered:
10/26/08
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(4 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jun 4, 2009 9:47 PM
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But, I've had flip flop dreams too, like the one where I'm in a horribly scarey neighborhood, that I know in my mind somewhere is supposed to be beautiful, but because of the people I'm associating with, I hate it...but then I dream
the next night that I'm with these lovely people and all of a sudden I feel like the neighborhood is my dream home.
that's a strange thing, but TRUE.
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Posts:
11
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5/25/09
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(3 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jun 4, 2009 4:03 PM
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you just don't seem that important to anything or anyone so what is the use of responding with anything but this...
...
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Posts:
11
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5/25/09
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(2 of 11)
Re: ~TOUCHED~ My Experiences
Jun 4, 2009 3:56 PM
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Hey Director. Thanks for receiving & responding. I feel I am always air dribbling or air boxing for two reasons. One, I am an athlete and those are two of my favorite sports, two, I am always restless, as I said, so I just always have this feeling,...almost an impulse to always be moving. Kinda like when I rock back and forth, which some say is one of those surefire signs to spot us mental health patients. Its like everytime I do it it's as if that is what I am supposed to be doing. That is why I am always conscience of it when I do do it then I stop.
And as for the dreams where you can't scream or yell or run when you are in trouble or just need to I have had those dreams as well. Was it like you were trying to run but you were just like going in slow-mo, I've had those the most. Only had a few where I was falling but I have had plenty of them where I was flying.
Seeing someone run (or fly) down a set of stairs on TV just as you were in your dream is kinda wierd and could have some (deep or minor) meaning or connection. Did you see this on TV like right after your dream, say a few days, weeks or months after, or was it years after the fact?
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Posts:
11
Registered:
5/25/09
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(1 of 11)
May 30, 2009 2:54 PM
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These first two have happened to me in the past two months. And they stand as the two most moving experiences that I have had of all, as they concretely signify my connection to Nature, thus the Creator. I will simply give the experience, without giving my theories for why I believe they happened at this time.
-I have grown to always acknowledge and pay homage to our Sun. I feel in doing this I honour our Creator, Love. As The Sun is the source of and sustinence of all LIFE on Earth. So one evening I was sitting in my car smoking and listening to music. I felt the need to pay homage to The Sun. There is a pogoda attached to my home that my car was slightly covered by. Without looking, I attempted to place my hand in the Sun Light, as The Sun was setting and there was only a small streak shining inside my car, the rest was blocked by the pogoda and the house next door. I was lifting my hand up, as I said without looking, but my hand was still in the shadows. So I look down, noticed the Sun streak in my car, then I laid my index finger on the side panel of my door within the Sun Light. The instant I placed my finger in the Sun Light, my attention was immediately drawn to a single white particle that was released from my windshield. The particle lifted in the air, made a half arc to the right, and shot off into the sky.
-Two weeks ago I was outside at night, again smoking (unfortunately) and admiring the Stars, planets, and other celestial objects. I am always restless. So I tend to sometimes pretend to be air dribbling a basketball or air boxing. I was feeling unusually sensitive for some reason. Then out of the blue I react as if I am playing full court basketball and I am in the open court. In my mind, I throw the basketball to my left hand then cross back over to my right as if a defender is in backpeddaling in front of me. The instant that I complete this move I look up into the southern sky and I see a superbly bright "shooting star" streak down the sky then disappear. I smiled one of the biggest smiles I ever had in my life for about ten minutes after that. Seeing a "shooting star" is just one of the rewards that us skygazers seek out for lifting our heads up high. The fact that it happened in correlation with my imaginary basketball move made it that much more spectacular.
-While I am on the topic of my restless air areobics I must share another of what I have come to call Strange Synchronizations. I was standing around in front of an establishment on an eight lane thoroughfairre in my hometown. Again, feeling restless I began to air dribble an imaginary basketball and throw some air punches. For some reason, I stop, and for some other odd reason I was facing down the building I was standing in front of and my back was to the all of the traffic on the road. In the blink of an eye I just hunched down and gather myself as if I was in a real boxing match, then I throw a quick, single body blow to the building. The very second that I threw the punch I hear this tremendous !BOOM! over my shoulder. I looked to see a 18 wheeler speeding down the road and I imagine it must have hit a large pothole as I threw the punch.
-I truly believe that being a hypersensitive with hypervigilant awarness, coupled with all of the darkness that I have gone through in my life as unleashed a poltergeist in my old room at my old house of close to 20 years. One reason I say that is that I captured a very spooky, very sinister looking face in one of my pictures when I was snapping shots of the moon. I will attempt to post the spirit photo once I am done typing. But one of the scariest events that ever happened to my happened in that room. It was in complete darkness. I was wide awake. Now even today, my television tends to make this loud knocking sound, as if the material it is made of is expanding or contracting, for whatever reason. I never really paid much attention to them, but I always am aware when it happens. But one night, this television made !5! very loud, very definite knocks in a row. I listened like a hawk as this was happening and was stunned. After the fifth one my heart just sank into a pit of fear. I've learned that some evil ghost or demons or poltergeist may draw strenght or energy from a person's fear,....alll I can say is that whatever caused that to happen could have drawn something powerful from me that night because I was completely terrified.
These last three (for now) have to deal with another one of the most frightening experiences I have ever suffered through,...and that is catalepsy or being rendered catatonic.
-The first time it happened to me was when I was a young boy in the house I grew up in. This house was a true full house, with my two brothers and sometimes four to six cousins and their parents, and our grandparents living with us. I have had several experiences of the paranormal and supernatural in that house but this was hands down the most terrifying, it still kind of shakes me up today whenever I think about it. I was taking a nap in my parents bedroom. The window was open and the sound of my brothers and my cousins in the backyard woke me up. I was anxious to get up and get out there to play with them. But something (or some being) was holding me down, hard. I kept trying to get up and get up but I just couldn't move, then I tried to scream for someone to help me but I couldn't make a sound either. Finally after what seemed like an eternity I was freed. I think I was even too scared to cry. I just walked out of the room and went outside. To this day I have never told anyone about that.
-The second time had to do with my Creator, so naturally nothing is more terrifying than He Who Is. I was a young adult, again (I am just now realizing this) I was asleep in my parents bedroom. Only this was in the same house where I believe I left the poltergeist. For a few days I had been listening and worshipping to James Ingram & Michael McDonald's "Yah Mo B", song, in praise to Yahwee. So I was in the treacherous terrain of being asleep and being awake. Then within a dream I witnessed a vision of myself in some sort of warehouse or large house. And I was standing next to a door on my left, with my back to the wall, and this absolutely brilliant white and blue pulsating light was coming billowing out from this room I was standing next to. Then in this powerful voice I just hear the name !YAHWEE! coming from this room. As this was happening I felt myself being stiff as a board, lifted in the air, lying perpendicular to the bed with my heels on top of the bed, and I swear I could see myself in this state through the mirror attached to my mama's dresser. I know a lot about dreams and visions as I have them everyday and everynight. So in this dream I felt the distinct choice being given to me....to look in this room and into this light or to not. I chose to not look. And just like the many times I was in a nightmare that I could't bear I forced my eyes open to awake to this reality. My sincere belief is that if I had chosen to look into the light then I would have died in my physical body and my spirit would have been taken up with Him. I truly believe that.
-This last one happened to me the very first night that I took meds for my percieved mental and emotional disorder. Due to the constant stream of activity within my mind and the restlessness in my body I have suffered from severe insomnia since I was a teen. Sometimes I would not sleep at all or at a minimum of a few hours for every three or four days. So needless to say that is when the Darkness would torment me the most, it was when I was the most at risk for suicide. So having a few experiences sociollogically and not wanting to descend any further I finally decided to accept meds. And this drug just happened to be my "miracle" drug. Because not only did it make me tired, it actually put me to sleep. Now I have researched it a little since then and a few brave researchers have made claims that a fit of catalepsy can occur when taking the medication that I accepted. Only I feel this most frightening case of catalepsy happened to me because it was the Darkness giving me a final parting shot, as it knew that they could no longer torment me while I was trying to fall asleep, because I finally could get to sleep. But I obviously didn't know that it would work as it did the first night I took it, when this happened. Again, I was wide awake, I felt myself becoming drowsy but I was fully aware. Then all of a sudden my body just got crunched, as if I was being crushed in this giant fist. My body was stuck like that, again for what seemed like an eternity. I was so scared. It was like I couldn't breathe either. I just called on the only name that I knew that had more power than I. I just said JESUS!, JESUS!, JESUS! until whatever it was that had me let me go. That experience was sheer horror.
Of all my experiences those are the deepest. I can't tell you all how much of a relief it was to release these in words, especially since most of these I have never told, or typed to any other human being. Draw from them what you will. Maybe next time I will give some of my theories to these and others I have regarding LIFE. Until then...
LIVE. LOVE. BELIEVE.
~CCH~
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